When a marriage does not go as planned, children are always the ones stuck with the balancing act. They find themselves wondering if they’re a burden and try to find solutions on what they could do to become independent as quickly as possible, because they feel like such an encumbrance from the moment their eyes open when they wake up and realise that things need to get done by their parents, for them.
When your parents split up, to them it seems like it’s a personal decision, I mean they have children and it may affect them to a certain degree “but they’re kids they’ll grow up and get over it.” Right? Wrong. With female children, all sorts of seeds get planted into your mind. Like: will I be a good mother, will I end up getting a divorce, will this create daddy issues, will I grow up to be a spinster, will I ever find the right man, will I end up a raging feminist (teehee), why are all men useless, why me, was it my fault? All these questions from the age your parents start going crazy and you notice. Some of these questions and doubts, they will shed off, but majority of them with grow…. These seeds will become them and alas! Trees will emerge, with deep roots and nobody (well at least nobody impatient) will ever apprehend the origin of these trees.
The question I always ask is “YOU SAY YOU SAW THE WARNING SIGNS, THEN WHY DID YOU GET MARRIED ANYWAY?” So this is the reason why YOU should not get married…you don’t believe in forever…
People love saying that we take this marriage thing too seriously. They say it’s the same thing as dating, just permanent. I mean….if the word permanent does not indicate some sort of seriousness to you then…
Parents just love throwing stones in glass houses and it seems they’re always surprised when you cry “ouch!” …it’s like “this is between your mom and I so just duck better next time!!” Seriously? Sometimes it seems like they forgot how complicated a marriage gets when you get children…. Because they aren’t only responsible for their own lives, but for the lives of people who in the beginning cannot even speak…cannot even say “mommy I don’t want to be born if you’re going to put me through a divorce.”
These aren’t the things they teach us at school (I don’t know why) but they should. Family planning is so important. If they took us all through a similar procedure to that of when we apply for a loan, when we decide to reproduce, the world would be a better place. So many unqualified and disturbed people wouldn’t be able to pass on their poverty and illnesses to innocent people.
You need to position yourself in a way that (if you’re the type of person who does not believe in forever in the current marriage you are in) you aren’t left in a hell hole when your divorce happens and that you aren’t dragging your children down with you. As a mother with a daughter, leave that situation as stable as possible. That’s the best thing you can do…. As a father with a son, make sure that child knows how the fuck to love someone. Financially, save money on the side, whether in investments or policies, also get into the habit of saving at least 10% of your salary every month so that if it ever does happen that you are dismissed or retrenched you actually have 6 month’s salary saved up (Thank my pastor for this tip). Emotionally, exercise and speak to a psychologist so you don’t drag all your crap into your children’s lives. I know nothing about a divorce but I know of all the repercussions of one. Next time you consider marriage, since we don’t have authorisation procedures for parenting, please consider how one day your son and daughter will look up to you and your marriage as a frame of reference for his or her marriage.
If you give up (leaving because you are abused or being cheated on is not giving up) remember that this allows your child to believe there is no such thing as forever and that your actions have condoned giving up. Once you have children in a marriage, selflessness must step in and selfishness must see the door. In everything you do, always remember and think of the best option for your children, in doing so, I believe you will have become the greatest parent to them.