Among other things I have learnt this year, I will reveal how I am quickly mastering the art of happiness.
Last year was one of the worst years of my life. I was experiencing my first year without my grandmother. Learning how to adjust and act normal when visiting a house that was no longer filled with all that joy and happiness was awkward to say the least. My grandmother and I shared an indescribable bond. She was simply amazing. To this day I still wonder why she never waited to say goodbye to me. Almost two years down the line and I could still cry at the drop of a hat when I think about this. I mean, we were so close, surely I was significant enough to make her wait. But she did not and I will never know why….
So… that’s how this life thing works. This was my greatest heartbreak; so great I gained 7 kilograms ( this may not seem like a lot to people who do not know me, but to those who do; you’ll know I was colossal). I lost my soul mate. I could be at my happiest yet still wonder why she did that. I became an emotional monster and allowed sadness and darkness to take a seat and direct my life for far too long.
This is no way to live. I wasn’t blessed with her only to feel pain when she left. I refuse to believe that God works like that. All things work for good to those that love the Lord right? So surely good must come out of this situation. It has and it ALWAYS will. Like right now you see? I’m helping someone get through something with this revelation.
“Sometimes shit is so bad all you want to do is shoot someone and cry ALL DAY…”
I have realized that happiness is not something you just have. Happiness is not directly proportional to a great marriage or money or success. Happiness is like working out in the gym. You work at being happy everyday. Just like at the gym… if you skip a few days or eat a bad meal you won’t see the results.
There’s a lot of shit we are all going through and the second we decide to embrace it instead of that tiny light at the end of the tunnel of hope, we fall into a pit of depression. Because in all honesty, you do have so much to be angry about. So much to be depressed and suicidal about… you have EVERY RIGHT to be angry and you have EVERY RIGHT to be sad. Don’t let anyone tell you “count your blessings blah blah”. Sometimes life is so bad all you want to do is shoot someone in the head and cry ALL DAY. There is nothing wrong with that. Just don’t let darkness win. Find a way to win! Find some way to live with the pain (because it never goes away) but love the small things that make you happy and smile THAT MUCH MORE. So much that the pain is no longer a deafening sound but just background noise that you can live through…
Nothing will ever be 100% great. That is just life. The pain never goes away and you don’t have to be happy. Happiness is always attainable though. It is just a bit more work than sadness. Sadness is free. It is everywhere. It does not even knock, it just lets itself in and it takes up all the space in the room. Each time this happens, we need to learn how to ask it to please wait outside so we can invite happiness in instead.
Choosing to be happy is a lifelong commitment.