“Our nonverbals govern how we think and feel about ourselves”
As I was writing I realized that this part of the post could do well as a stand alone post. It still ties into what I spoke about in Part 1, so you can read that then come back to this one. Or you can continue reading this one, that’s fine too. If you want to read part one quickly,click here.
I am currently in the state of mind where I’m gearing myself up as much as possible for the corporate world. So with that, I decided to watch a Ted talk by Amy Cuddy. In this talk she mentions how she’s a social scientist and lectures at a competitive business school. The talk is on body language and how it shapes who you are. If you’d like to watch it, I will leave the link below and not here just in case you have ADD.
Body language. I would define body language as a soft skill, its not something that they teach at school, but it does give you an edge in a social setup. You can do without it but it renders itself more useful than high school maths in the real world. Being fluent in body language is the difference between getting a second interview because of your resume and having the ability to manipulate your way to a second interview even if your resume sucks . I won’t go in depth with the usefulness of body language during interviews, that is what YouTube is for, but if I must, I will… just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will expand on this post.
So because I am the type of person who just needs to understand why people do things, why they react the way they do and why they say the things they say, I love body language. It never lies, it tells it as it is and that’s just perfect. Lets take attraction for example. Do you want to see if someone is attracted to you? Look at what their body is telling you when they speak to you. Is their body positioned in your direction, are they leaning in when you are speaking, are they mirroring your actions…. There you go. And now I feel the odd urge to say “hips don’t lie” * as I break into that Shakira song* I digress.
In the video, Amy mentions how women almost always take on a cowering position in a social situation. 6 minutes into this talk and my heart had already shattered into a million pieces. As I was watching and reflecting I began to realise that this is all so true. I do it too but not as often as I used to because I am now aware of my body langue. But the thing is, this is such a major problem. Automatically without even knowing it, you standing with shoulders hunched over, tells the other party that you are taking on the more passive and weaker role in the conversation. One of the reasons why this is such a major problem is because your body language translates into the way you interact and because you have presented yourself more passive and less dominant, you are seen as less significant and less important. This can lead to something as drastic as not being taken seriously or being undermined even if you are an individual who is more than capable. You see, the beauty of mastering body language is that with it, you will learn how and when it is necessary to be passive and when it is necessary to be overbearing (I have used extremes because I am making a point. Not that it is ever good to be passive or overbearing. we want to strive that perfect balance of being assertive)
So as you already know, I condone “faking it till you make it”. The reason is because human nature never allows us to feel content for a period which is long enough to allow us to change the world. We will always need that much more money, that much more confidence, those shoes, that car, that person… in order to do this or that. So because of this, I’d rather fake being confident in a situation for example, so I can allow someone to feed off of my confidence, which in turn will allow them to be the best version of themselves so they can do what they need to do. I believe that because you have a desire to do something, you already have those skills and that potential in you that is great enough to fuel your success. Sometimes you may not believe this and this is the situation where you will need to strike that high power pose for 2 minutes until your mind believes it.
Confidence is one of those areas where I feel we constantly need to challenge ourselves. No one feels confident 100% of the time,heck even King Kendrick Lemar said it. So because confidence is not a constant thing, we will be placed in certain situations where we will need to exude confidence at a time we lack it the most and this is when we will have no choice but to FAKE IT. Fake it and keep it moving because the time will come when you’ve faked it so much that you finally believe it.